We're Having A…..[19 Week Ultrasound & Gender Reveal]

The day had finally arrived; we were finding out if we were having a boy or a girl and I was surprised I got any sleep the night before, I was so excited!  There are many milestones during a pregnancy- whether it is the weekly “Baby is the size of *insert fruit here*” milestones or the bigger ones like the ultrasound you get around the midway point to reveal the gender.  Of course, this scan is not just for finding out the  sex of the baby.  It is also to record several measurements, check the brain, heart and make sure everything is functioning and growing as it should.

I drank the requested two glasses of water an hour before our appointment and when I was in the waiting room and not almost exploding from needing to use the washroom, I was nervous I hadn’t had enough to drink and it would make it difficult for the ultrasound tech but it all went very well.

We followed the tech into the room, he started to do the scan and he asked us if we wanted to know the gender.  We said “Yes, please!!!”to which he replied, “Alright, because some people don’t want to know yet.” I explained that it was already driving us crazy and we would not be able to wait another four months.  He proceeded to take 80 pictures of our little one.  First we checked out the brain and you saw him taking measurements of the circumference, then we saw the diaphragm, and the heart beating away.  I had to move on my left side, return to my back, move to my right side and then return to my back to help him get better shots of the kiddo.  It was so neat to see the bones in the long spine (it actually reminds me of something you would see in Jurassic Park.. in the good/really cool kind of way of course!), the strong looking bones in the arms and legs and to see the tiny hands and cute feet.  It was when he started to go back to the brain and then back to the heart that I got worried.

I knew to expect a longer scan compared to the first scan we had at 12 weeks for the dating ultrasound.  There were a lot more measurements to take and with a moving baby, it is harder to get everything the tech needs so I knew not to worry when it was going on 30 minutes.  It just started to concern me when he started checking things he had already checked and measured before without saying anything.  Techs aren’t allowed to say if they think they see something is wrong since they are not the official doctors, so it made my heart race a bit faster.  He asked me how far along I was and I said 19 weeks 1 day, he started nodding his head.  I saw at the bottom of the screen that the baby was measuring 18 weeks and some odd days, and with the leap year, some of of the machinery/charts aren’t lined up the same so I knew the baby looked like it was on track.

When he was studying the heart, I knew for him to be checking the ventricles to see if they were all functioning as they should but as someone just observing, I had no idea what was good to see or what was “normal”.  After what seemed like forever he turned the machine off.  We were still sitting there having NO idea if he saw a boy or a girl, even after keeping my eyes open without blinking for what felt like an hour.  There had been one shot he had taken where he put an arrow without indicating what we were seeing so I got myself ready for him to announce it’s a boy but he never said a thing.

He looked at us and said “I’m just going to go reevaluate some scans I took; I’ll be back right back, but I’m pretty sure you’re having a… BOY.” Jesse and I looked at each other and nodded our heads.  While we were both hoping it was a girl and according to all of my symptoms (I know they’re not an actual indication of anything, but it was fun to see what the predicted) I was going to have a girl, we knew to prepare for a boy since they run in Jesse’s family.  The tech looked surprised and asked us if we somehow knew already and we said no, but we knew to get prepared for that.  He smiled and left…. without telling me if my part was done- so I lay there with all the gel spread over my tummy until Jesse asked if I could get cleaned up.  The tech said I could but he was getting someone else to scan me so I would need to get new stuff put on anyway.  That’s when I had hints of nervousness come over me all over again- was he unable to tell us if something was wrong so he needed a second opinion?  After about 5 minutes, a woman came in the room and scanned me again.  They were discussing the pictures he took, she kept nodding her head and said he got a few good ones and then she took a few herself.  She finished it all very quickly and said Congratulations, our baby looks very healthy.  What a relief!  The tech looked at us, said congratulations and that I can get cleaned up and we can get on our way- no follow up ultrasound was needed.  Jesse then confirmed with him that it IS a boy.

Boy, oh boy!

I will now discuss something quickly before I continue to talk about the rest of our gender reveal.  I was unsure whether or not I was going to talk about it because I saw an article which revolved around it and the woman received such HORRIBLE comments in reaction to it (you shouldn’t be allowed to have kids, you’re going to be a terrible Mother, you don’t deserve a child, adopt if you want to choose etc), that I felt terrible for her.  I decided to talk about it because I think a lot of women make themselves feel guilty over feeling a certain way and they think that they are alone when they are not.

To make it VERY clear, what was most important to us, was that our baby was growing and HEALTHY.  That is all anyone truly wants.  Many parents find out something isn’t forming correctly or there are heart issues etc at scans like these and if that is not the case for you, it’s truly a blessing and all you care about is being grateful that the baby is okay.  However, some women lean towards one gender or the other and when they find out that they are having the opposite, they experience gender disappointment.  

I will be completely honest- I wanted a girl more than anything.  I grew up with a Sister, I have two nieces (and one nephew) and since I already have my Step Son, I REALLY wanted a girl, as did Jesse. I knew the chances were slim since boys run through Jesse’s family, so leading up to the appointment, I didn’t even want to think of girl names.  I wanted to only decide on one if it was in fact a girl.  We chose one a few days before the scan anyway randomly, and at times, I really felt like it was a girl.  We had the name for our Boy chosen since the very beginning but if I had a girl name chosen this whole time and it turned out to be a boy, it was like I was losing a girl that I never really had to begin with.  I know that may sound silly and many people don’t understand and that’s okay.  The article which I referred to earlier (I can’t find it now that I want to share it, I’ll keep looking though!) actually helped and made me really think about it.

WHY was I wanting a girl so badly?  I took the time to ask myself the question and I came up with: girls are just what I know more and I am honestly worried I won’t bond with a boy like I would with a girl.  I love my Step Son but he’s not MY biological son and while the bond we have is VERY special, it is not an indicator of how my own child will feel toward me.  My Nephew is an absolutely sweet, gentle little boy who I love very much, and I kept thinking of how great having my own Son would be but then I think of how my Step Son plays rough with Jesse and how it’s time they have together to play but it’s not something I involve myself with.  I could, but it is not my style of play, I don’t find the “fart jokes”funny- it’s just something I don’t relate to and I think the worst feeling in the world would be being unable to relate to your own child the way you would like to.  Like I said earlier, all of this may sound ridiculous to some people and that’s fine but while getting prepared for the BOY result I looked around online and saw that these feelings are very common yet no one wants to talk about it.  It can go as far as the parent getting depressed and rejecting the baby they are having.  I am nowhere NEAR feeling that way.  I actually reacted a lot better than I thought I would.  The article I read said, if you’re feeling a certain way after the scan, let the true emotions show- it’s okay.  If you’re upset, cry it out and let it all flow through you.  If you hold in your feelings, it won’t help anything and making yourself feel extra guilty will make things worse.  Get it out of your system and seek support if that’s what you feel that you need.  Don’t feel bad about feeling bad- whether your feelings are amplified due to the hormones or whatever the case is- you’re allowed to feel a certain way even if some may not understand.

When they were doing our scan and I thought something may be wrong with our child, the fact that something might not be okay was all I could think about.  I wasn’t focused on it being a certain gender.  All I cared about with my entire being was that I was providing a safe, healthy place for this baby to develop in.  Finding out it was a boy and that he was okay- yes, it made me cry but not from disappointment.  I was relieved and it just felt so good to know he was doing okay and we can finally put a name to the little one.  They say once you give birth, any feelings toward gender or anything else disappears instantly and I am grateful that I didn’t have to wait another 4 months for that to happen.  I felt completely grateful right away after my scan.  It feels right to talk to my belly and say “Hi Liam!” rather than “Hi…. he/she/you/baby” etc.  I am so excited to have a Son.

After our scan, we headed to my Mom and Dad’s to tell my Mom the news.  In the car on the way, “Beautiful Day” by U2 was on the radio and it suited the day perfectly.  I’m not a huge U2 fan at all, but we left the hospital happy and excited with the sun shining on a warm day. We got our blue balloons (I got to see one of my friends while buying them too!  It was so nice to see him since I haven’t seen him in such a long time- it was extra special) and announced the gender to my Mom with the balloons.  She was appropriately and coincidentally wearing blue shirts so the photos we took almost look like she planned her outfit.  It was very special to share the day with her this way.

The photos we took are right below (Thank you, Mommy/Nanna).

Overall, Baby Liam is healthy, and we are so very excited to meet him!  To everyone who guessed the gender or who has sent congratulatory comments to us, whether on Facebook or on Instagram, THANK YOU.  I am always overwhelmed by the response we receive and it fills my heart with joy.  Liam is very lucky to have so many loving people surrounding him as am I.

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  1. This is a beautiful story, and I love the pictures. You both look so happy. I understand that this can be a touchy subject and every parent wants their baby to come out healthy, but my husband and I did have a preference on gender. We both really wanted a boy. It just would have fitted our lifestyle, and even our families thought we would end up having a boy. Somehow, from the beginning of my pregnancy, I always knew I had a girl. I can tell you, though, my husband was disappointed when we found out we were having a girl and not a boy, but he eventually accepted it and was happy about it. I could not imagine things being any other way right now, I am so happy that we have our baby girl, and she has been a blast. We will try for another, though, in hopes for a boy. I believe you and your fiance can try again as well when you both are ready for it.
    I really feel bad about the situation when the ultrasound tech made you feel uncomfortable. I think it was good that he brought in another tech because he was not fully comfortable with his findings. Every time I had an ultrasound, I was in tears because it was so amazing to see my baby in there, and I LOVED to see her little heart flicker. Just imagine how things will be when our babies are pregnant. What kind of technology will there be for ultrasounds in 20 years?! Anyways, I don’t want to alarm you, but I just want to share my experience. When we had the anatomy scan at 22 weeks, they discovered that my baby had an enlarged tube going from one of her kidneys to her bladder. It was not totally enlarged, but it was on the high normal side. But we were still stressed out about it. My OB assured me that it is somewhat common in baby girls for this to happen, and after she is born and she pees then we do not need to worry anymore. I am super thankful that this was the worst thing I experienced while being pregnant and worrying about my baby being healthy, because things can be a lot worse.
    Congratulations on having a healthy baby! 🙂

  2. Congratulations! We found out we’re having a boy also!
    We felt similarly, in that we both were thinking more towards a girl. I was trying not to think about it too much because I didn’t want to be disappointed but I’m actually more excited than I thought I would be knowing our little one is a boy! Bring on all the bow ties!!

    1. Congratulations on finding out it’s a baby boy!!! That’s so exciting! The excitement does definitely creep up on you at random times, I find. 🙂 Congrats again on the exciting news!

  3. Congratulations on a healthy baby! Sorry you did not get the girl you were hoping for, but the gender disappointment part of your post was really great. Gender disappointment is real and doesn’t make anyone a bad parent. I never wanted a girl, but my first child is one and she’s amazing. I think I needed her more than she needed me honestly. Hopefully you’ll get your girl in the future if you decide to have more. Congratulations once again!

    1. Thank you so much for such a kind comment. It is comments like those which make me glad I talked about it- thank you. I feel the same way about this little one already- he’s changed my life for the better in so many ways and he’s not even here yet! Thank you again for commenting- it means so much to me.

      1. That’s great that you’re already starting to feel that way! We didn’t find out until birth with my daughter, but I was depressed for some of my pregnancy and a couple of months post partum due to gender disappointment. Can’t wait for our little ones to be here. 💙

  4. Congrats on your little boy! To be honest we went through the same thing when we found out we were having a boy. We were CONVINCED before the scan it was a girl – we’d chosen girl names, I’d looked at girl clothes and got excited about adding a little lady to our family. When we found out he was a boy we were both in shock for a while! I’m one of two girls, my hubby has a sister so neither of us know what to do with little boys!
    It took us a few good weeks to get used to it, but now I’m super excited about little boy clothes, boy names and all the exciting things we’ll get to do together (also realised that I was a complete brat as a teenager and my hubby was super relaxed so hopefully he’ll take after him!).
    I think that’s the main reason I’m so glad we found out – we’ve given ourselves the time to get excited about our little man, so that we don’t experience any of that reflection when he’s born – we can just enjoy it! Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy x

    1. Thank you so much for your comment! Little clothes for boys are also so cute- it is getting easier to get more and more excited. Honestly, being able to say “Liam, stop hurting Mommy’s belly” or “Liam, sweetheart, thank you for those kicks to say hello” feels so right- it’s so nice to know the gender in general! When one of my friends found out, he said “Good- boys are easier to deal with- less drama, you got the easier one.” Haha- we’ll see about that but hearing that reaction made me laugh. I completely understand what you mean about having time to adjust. 🙂 Thank you again and all the best to you as well! xo

  5. Hi Liam!! 🙂
    Congrats Joanna – loved reading your thoughts – i had the same ones leading up to finding out, i was so nervous to have a boy, simply because it was such unfamiliar territory… I hope if i have more children I’ll get to experience having a son, and right now am preparing to be a mommy to my sweet girl. So happy for you, love the pictures, you are beautiful!

  6. You are definitely not alone Joanna! I have yet to have my scan and I’m worried I’m going to be ‘disappointed’. I already feel guilty for all the people that can’t have children and I’m here worrying about the sex. I also feel like you in the sense that the bond wouldn’t be the same if baby were a boy but I’ve spent a lot of time with my partner’s sister who’s little boy is 7 months now and he’s such a mumma’s boy! They are so close which definitely helps me feel so much better. I’m glad you wrote this though because I don’t know if I would be able to post about it if that does happen; now I feel less like I’m the only person worrying about this!

    1. Thank you for understanding! I felt exactly the same way- especially with so many people struggling to have children like you said. It definitely helps to see the love between Mother & Son in action. Thank you so much for commenting- you are a friend to me and I am so glad we met through our blogs and bonded over our pregnancy journeys!

  7. No shame in admitting you wanted a daughter! I have a boy, who I am completely devoted to and endlessly in love with. I had a miscarriage before him, so I am grateful more than anything, that I have a baby at all, but truth is my preferences were for a daughter. Am I a bad person or mom just because I’m honest about my wishes? I don’t think so. I still love and am grateful for, my son more than anything in this world.

  8. He’ll love you tons and you’ll love him. But don’t worry I know when I eventually get around to having babies, I have my heart set on boys. I think it’s ok to have a preference as long as you live them all the same in the end which you obviously will.

    As for bonding. You’ll find things to do with him. You can teach him to cook or go on hikes and stuff. Doesn’t have to be all wrestling and far jokes. And who says boys can’t enjoy some “girly” hobbies.
    You will play and bond just fine. Don’t worry.

    You’re gonna be great.

  9. Congrats!! My ultrasound in 12 days to find out!! I have a 4 year old son and I’m convinced I’m having a girl. I keep referring it as her, if it’s a boy I’ll be just as happy, but it might take a few weeks getting use to lol ! Congrats again!! =]

  10. Congratulations love I’m so happy for you…I thought u were having a girl but it’s ok boys are great too!! Just make sure every ultrasound you have always re confirm the gender my friend was told a boy and out came a girl.

  11. I have a little 8 month old boy and believe me the bond is unbreakable, he loves his dad but not like he loves me he snuggles to my chest to sleep and whenever I pick him up in the morning or if I’ve left him with someone else he throws his arms around me giving me the biggest loves ever. Mothers and sons have an amazing bond little boys are all about their mommys! Don’t feel guilty for a second your baby is healthy and loved that’s all that matters congratulations! X

    1. Hearing the amount of love you receive is so lovely. Thank you for commenting, it means so much to me to hear experiences like this. I’m so happy and proud of him already. Thank you so much!

  12. I completely agree with aboymomdiary because that’s what happened to me too. Now my boys are in their mid 20’s and still very close to me. Too true about the clothes though! I’m so happy for you Joanna.

  13. Don’t feel guilty at all about being bummed about gender. I remember EVERYONE was convinced my little one was going to be a girl (despite the fact that there are no biological girls on my husband’s side, any girl was married into the family). And I had all of the girl “symptoms”. I was so convinced in the beginning it would be a boy, but everyone saying it was a girl got me all excited about bows and dresses. Then we had a gender reveal party and blue balloons popped up. There is even a filmed clip of me after the party had died down saying “I never get what I want” in regards to it being a boy and not a girl. I was bummed about it for a long time, not depressed but just bummed. But my mom had a good point. Boys are 100% mammas boys. And there is something special about the bond between mom and son that I cannot even explain. And I just know if we had a girl she would be a daddy’s girl. So, selfishly, I am so happy that my first was a boy because I get all that mushy loving that only a son can give him mommy! The only time I get bummed he is a boy now is when clothes shopping. Be prepared to get sad when you see all the pretty girls clothes that take up the whole baby section and then this sad little rack for boys clothes that aren’t that cute and cheesy.

    1. Thank you SO much for writing this. I started crying just reading it. You’ve added so much excitement to my feelings of having a boy. Thank you for sharing your own experience with being “bummed”- I thoroughly enjoyed and appreciate this comment <3

  14. I was convinced we were having a boy. When they told us it was a girl I was happy but it took me awhile to get used to the idea because I had it all planned in my head that it was a boy. Once we named her and started preparing for her arrival all the thoughts of boys were gone.

    1. Aw, haha surprise!! I’m moving in July so it feels like I can’t start nesting like I want to yet. I’m so excited to get everything set up properly for him! It’s so exciting!

  15. Awww congratulations! I remember thinking I didn’t have any gender preferences for my baby until the tech told me what I was having and then I burst into happy tears because apparently my brain had really wanted it to be that gender but I hadn’t actually admitted it to myself. I think as long as you’re not mourning your child as if they were dead, there is nothing wrong with being a little disappointed that they weren’t the gender you were hoping for. When one of my friends was born her father said, “Well forget this then, I’m going home.” When he found out she was a girl. So as long as you don’t react like that I don’t think it’s a big deal. It’s a gradient scale, so to speak, so having some twinges of disappointment don’t instantly earn someone the label of, “terrible person.”

    1. Thank you so much! And yes, I agree! I’m sorry to hear about your friends’ Father’s reaction. I remember looking at different gender reveal pictures on Instagram and discovered pictures with #iwantedagirl on them with the parent complaining the entire time about the gender outcome. I completely understand a little bit of disappointment but it’s sad to hear when it gets as bad as that. I can’t help but think of when he arrives- and someday maybe reads all of this- I would hate for him to think I didn’t WANT him because he was a boy. The thought of that alone makes me want to cry; I really am so thankful and excited. Thank you for commenting and thank you again for the nice words! I really appreciate it! 🙂

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