It’s been awhile since I have been able to write. It wasn’t quite writer’s block, but more of an emotional block. Life is understandably hard for everyone lately, so please know that firstly, I want to say that I have all of you in my thoughts while we go through these hard times. I hope you are all healthy and staying safe.
A couple of days ago, someone reached out to me and asked if I stopped writing. It’s not that I hadn’t wanted to write, but I put family and motherhood first while going through the ups and downs of this pandemic.
“I appreciated looking at your blog every so often. It’s real and beautiful to see someone share what motherhood is truly. […] It’s really nice to see the reality of others instead of Mommy influencers with “perfect” lives. I think we need to change that perception for future Moms. […] When you start blogging again know that you inspire people even if you don’t hear it from them.”
To the beautiful soul who wrote this, thank you. To put it gently, you inspired ME and put fire back in my soul. As did my Tiny One.
It’s been awhile…
It’s also the third anniversary of losing Tiny One. I have been staring at my computer all night and all morning, trying to find the right words. There aren’t any. There is nothing “right” about losing you, my Tiny One. However, you were a gift to me in so many ways. You changed my life forever and I will never forget you. They say time heals all wounds and while the pain can lessen just a tad (whether it feels like it or not), I must say that you and Rainbow Peanut are the most beautiful wounds I have. You’ve taught me so much about life and love.
I will never forget you, or the day I held you and saw you for the first and last time. I’ll never forget the experience of letting you go. Your older Brother sends me at least one Rainbow every single day and all I can do is picture both of you together, playing together and laughing. Your other older Brother, as I’m sure you can see, draws me Rainbows all the time or points them out to me if I haven’t noticed them first. He’s so intelligent and he constantly looks at my necklace which has all of your names on it. It’s constantly close to my heart, just like you are.
I’ll keep this short, because I truly don’t feel like my words are doing you, or the memory and love I have for you any justice. Please just know I think of you and Rainbow Peanut every single day. That will never change. Give each other hugs for me.
I love you,
Mommy