You think you’re raising a kind kid, a smart kid. One who shares their Goldfish crackers and maybe remembers to say “thanks” without needing to be nudged. Then it hits you. Are they learning how to lead? Not boss people around. Not ace group projects. I mean—when things go sideways, will they know how to speak up? Make a call? Take care of the people around them?
They Don’t Teach You This In Parenting Books
When kids have the space to try (and mess up), they start figuring out how to move through the world without constant hand-holding. A breakdown from Boys and Girls Clubs of Canada on how children learn to solve problems creatively may be eye-opening. For those who let kids tinker with tiny decisions, you’re on the right track, as this all adds up. It’s not about building “future CEOs.” It’s about helping them show up when it counts.
Real Roles, Real Ripples
If your kid is curious about careers that blend confidence with compassion—especially the ones that aren’t always front and center— it’s good to keep horizons open. For example, even looking at what various schools offer can introduce them to professions they might not even know about yet. It’s one of those rabbit holes you can go down together, which may lead to a conversation about what it means to make decisions that affect other people. Not in a “when you grow up” way, but more so a “What would you do if you had to help someone today?” manner.
Your Parenting Style Is Louder Than You Think
We all want to raise strong kids. But are we showing them what strength looks like when they’re stuck? Are we giving them room to think for themselves—or just telling them what to do, faster and louder? This may be more difficult for parents who were raised in a “my way or the highway” household. Shifting to something more flexible (without going full chaos) can be hard! But research backs this up: authoritative parents encourage decision‑making. Not the helicopter thing. Not the “figure it all out on your own” vibe either. More like—here’s the guardrail, now steer. You fall off? I’m still here. But I won’t drive the car for you. (This depends on the family, the parents, and the children. We would never claim that it is a one-size-fits-all scenario!)
Warmth Isn’t Soft. It’s Sturdy.
This part can be tricky. Especially if you were taught that love had to be earned. But leadership grows when kids feel safe enough to screw up. Not perform. Not please. Just… try, adjust, try again. There’s actual data on this—parental warmth correlates with leadership development. It makes sense. If you’re constantly bracing for disapproval, you’re not going to raise your hand or take a risk. You may prefer to shrink. But if you know your worth doesn’t wobble when you fail? Suddenly, you speak up. You stretch, and you lead.
You Have To Let Go (A Little)
Okay, full honesty: I stink at this one. Watching my kid try to take charge of something (plan a playdate, cook an egg, negotiate who gets the blue crayon) and NOT jump in? Torture. However, here’s what I’ve learned (mostly from messing it up): if we don’t let them steer when it’s low stakes, how will they ever know how to do it when it counts? There’s a Stanford study that dives into this—how letting children take the lead builds independence. It’s not about abandoning them, it’s about letting them try, while you resist the urge to fix. It’s hard, but it is completely worth it. And no, the eggs won’t turn out great at first.
The boring stuff? It matters more than you think.
Here’s what surprised me: leadership doesn’t always show up in “leader moments.” It hides in chores. Routines. Daily stuff that doesn’t get a trophy. Letting your kid pack their own lunch. Walk the neighbor’s dog. Handle that weird schedule change at daycare. These things feel small—but they’re massive. They train the muscles for reliability, ownership, and calm under pressure. I saw it explained really well in this write-up about how everyday routines give kids responsibility and ownership. It’s helped me reframe the boring bits as the exact place where confidence takes root.
Big-picture stuff helps, too.
Sometimes, my kid doesn’t get it until I show them why people lead. Not just how. So I’ve started talking more about work—my work, my partner’s, even family members in healthcare and education. The goal isn’t to map out their future. It’s to show them that leadership means showing up when someone needs you. There’s a solid piece on how exploring career trajectories can trigger leadership growth. What clicked for me was seeing how “responsibility” stops being a rule and starts being something kids want. Especially when they understand what impact looks like.
Some kids will lead with their voice. Others through listening, or by quietly making sure everyone’s okay. Your job isn’t to build a personality. It’s to notice the moments when your kid steps forward—and then not flatten it with your own agenda. You’ll mess this up. I still do. But the more I hold back and watch, the more I see my kid doing things I didn’t think they were ready for. That’s the thing. Leadership doesn’t need permission. It needs space.
Contributed to At Home With Joanna by Spencer Gray
Related:
How To Inspire Your Child’s Curiosity
Creating a Compassionate, Kind, and Connected Home
Nurturing Curiosity: How Parents Can Help Kids Grow Into Self-Motivated Learners