The Two Pink Lines That Changed Everything

The Two Pink Lines That Changed Everything

If you noticed that I have been a bit more “quiet” on this site, it is for a very good reason.  Almost two months ago, I received news that my life was about to change forever.  I am pregnant!  Now that the exciting news has been shared with my family, (the wait seemed like a long one- I’ve been wanting to shout it from the rooftops), I am able to share this journey with everyone else.  

I began writing down a “Mommy to Be” Journal the same day I found out I was pregnant.  I will continue to share posts along the way full of what I have been experiencing and everything I am learning throughout this amazing time in my life. Some if the information may seem a bit “TooMuchInformation”, so I apologize, however sites that went into a bit of detail helped me while I was trying to figure out what was going on.  If someone in a similar situation is looking for advice, I want to be as honest as possible.

It all started on….

Jan 27, 2016  

Surprise!  Two lines have never meant so much….

This will forever be known as the day my life changed forever.

For the first few weeks, I had been feeling extremely tired.  I am a night owl, but this was completely different.  I would stay up anywhere from 8 PM to around 1 or 2 PM the next day. Then, I would sleep for a few hours and the routine would repeat itself.  Even after a few hours of sleep, I would wake up tired and want to go back to bed right away.

Overall, I felt really strange and just not myself.  From the constant headaches, small cramps that left as quickly as they came and my chest beginning to be extremely sore (with a noticeable change in size).  I couldn’t even have a shower without the water hitting my chest and having it cause a ton of pain.  I also became very sensitive to smells. There was a smell coming from my fridge I could not stand but no one else could smell it.

My time of the month was irregular during my teens but I thought it had improved as I had been getting it on the first of every month.  That is, until I got it early and had it right on Christmas Day, (what a gift, I know).  When that happened, I thought, okay so I’m not pregnant, I must have just had a small flu or something that made my body ache.

Fast forward to a month later…

I realized how short & light the Christmas period I got was.  Once again, I started to constantly think of the symptoms mentioned above (which I still had).  I looked up around what time I should approximately be getting my period.  I was already 4 days late.  However, a lot of the symptoms I was experiencing could also just mean that you’re about to start your period. I stayed up for hours at night Google-ing.  I looked at almost a billion sites to try to figure out if the spotting I was having was implantation bleeding or just a light period due to stress.  Each site said the same things but none of it helped me figure out 100% what was happening.

Around this time, I had been pinning a billion posts on Pinterest that were related to pregnancy because a friend of mine had started her own site devoted to being a Mommy. We talked about me possibly helping her promote her site so I thought it would be smart to have a few topics ready.  I also watched Knocked Up, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, and several other “baby-themed” movies.  I don’t know why, it just felt like something I was supposed to be doing.  My best friend texted me asking me if I was pregnant because she saw my Pinterest board and I explained to her about my friend’s site.  Of course, I would tell her if I was actually pregnant.  After talking to her though, I knew it was time to take a test.

Therefore, I told my SO that I was five days late.

He said he had been suspecting I was pregnant anyway.  We got a test (think Dollar Store tests don’t work?  Think again!), came home and I just stared at the box.  I couldn’t bring myself to take the test right away because for one, if it came out negative, then it meant I was overreacting.  That I didn’t know my body well and something was wrong.  Two, if it came back positive, everything would be changing.  I used the excuse of it being better if I waited for the first “washroom break” of the day to put off taking the test.  

However, because of my weird sleep schedule, I knew it wouldn’t make sense to wait for the next day.  Exhaustion hit, so I decided to just sleep it off.  During this nap, I had dreams of taking pregnancy tests and asking my best friend if I was imagining two lines or not.  I woke up and knew I had to take the plunge.

One pregnancy test and two very clear lines later (which appeared instantly), I had my answer.

I was going to start my journey of becoming a Mommy.  How did I feel?  Happy?  Terrified?  Excited?  Nervous?  All of the above.  I was shaking when I walked out of the washroom and showed the test to my SO.  He gave me a hug instantly and asked me how I was about 100 times in the span of five minutes.

I wanted to cry and I had no answer for him;  I knew I was okay and happy but I was in shock.  There were no words to describe how I was feeling.  We proceeded to talk about it for the next hour, his arms wrapped around me the whole time.  Was this planned?  No.  Was this the best timing for this to happen?  No.  Did we know for sure that this is what we wanted?  Absolutely.

We had talked about what we would do in this situation beforehand.  We both agreed that there was no option that we would be happy with, other than becoming parents.  

That’s when he sweetly said, “I’m only asking this in case you have your opinions on it and are also thinking about it- I am completely fine with whatever answer you have but… would you want to get married before the baby arrives or wait for after?” I instantly said “After.”

I would not want to get married just because of this happening.  

We had talked about getting married eight years ago when we first met and we both knew it would happen eventually.  We knew we were both in this for the long haul so there was no rush to jump into a marriage on top of everything else.  He said exactly what I had been thinking,

“I would marry you tomorrow. I would have married you yesterday.  I’ve loved you and knew I’d marry you, eight years ago and every day since.  It’s up to you.” How lucky am I to have him in my life and for him to know exactly what I needed to hear to calm my nerves?  I guess we will see what happens.  Maybe hormones will make my baby brain think otherwise, but a long engagement doesn’t sound like a bad plan to me. *Note: we are no longer together, but have a beautiful Son together.*

Several people have strong views on what is right and wrong when it comes to people having children prior to being married. and I completely respect everyone’s views.  Am I worried that people will judge me for my decision and for “allowing” this to happen?  No.  I know people will have their opinions either way but I think we live in a time where people need to do what feels right for themselves and not to please others.  You can’t make everyone happy so spend your life doing whatever makes you happy.  

Did I ever imagine that I would be pregnant before I was married?  No.  It was not the way I had imagined my life to be.  To be honest, nothing about my life leading up to this moment was done how I had imagined.  The film Knocked Up puts it really well and it is quite close to what my SO said to me as we were buying the test:

“Okay, I know we didn’t plan this,  and, you know, neither of us really thought it was gonna happen, but life is like that, you know, you can’t plan for it.  And even if we did plan, life doesn’t care about your plans, necessarily.  And you just kind of have to go with the flow and, you know,  I know my job is to just support you in whatever it is you wanna do,  and, I’m in, you know.  So whatever you wanna do, I’m gonna do, you know. It’s… I’m on board. Yay!”

So, that is what today, January 27th, 2016 was like in the life of Joanna.

For the rest of the day, I proceeded to sign up for almost every parenting site.  I started following a ton of other blogs to see what they had to say.  Pinterest also became my best friend. I read the pins I had saved earlier.

The next step other than the obvious “healthy and pregnancy safe” meal planning, doctor appointment setting, and major life reorganization, is how I’m going to tell my family.  I know they love me unconditionally and will always be there for me but I am still insanely nervous! My Sister told me that she was pregnant before anyone else in all of her pregnancies.  It was so special for me to know that she trusted to tell me first.  She is my best friend and will be the first one I tell in my family, no question about it.

I’ll save talking about this and what ends up happening for a later date.  For now, if my LMP was the Christmas Date, then I’m about 5 weeks pregnant.  If not, we will be further along but until our Ultrasound, I will go with an approximate date.

What were your pregnancy discoveries like?  Anything you want to tell a first-time Mom about the first trimester or the rest of the pregnancy?  Any good sites I should know?  Comment below, or find me on Facebook and feel free to offer any information or advice, I will LOVE to read it all.

To all my regular readers, if many of my posts slowly become baby-related, I apologize.  You can trust that I will be cooking new recipes and continuing the posts I usually do.  Please bear with me for the rest and THANK YOU for continuing to read At Home with Joanna.

See also:

Dollar Store Pregnancy Tests VS. Brand Name Tests

My First Trimester

and much more!